Randomly Random Smashy Stories!
by Ripper22
Summary: Originally intended for a Smash Mansion competition, this fic now stands a collection of one-shots by the truly insane ... Chapter Two: The gang decides they want to play basketball little do they realize how deadly such sports games can be ... Oh yeah, and Jigglypuff gets schooled on grammarization
1. Ness Merges with the Infinite!

_Ripper22's Randomly Random Short Stories!  
By: Ripper22_

**Note: **This Fic is where all the Smash Mansion Competition stories go. Enjoy, people who have decided to waste a bit of their life just for meeee!

* * *

_Chapter One: Ness becomes a Super Hero!_

One day, Ness decided to become a Super Hero! He proceeded to jump off of stuff and fly.

"I AM....SUPERMAN!1" said Ness, jumping off of a chair and landing on the ground painfully.

"Ness!" said Lucas, putting a fourth band aid on Ness, "Stop doing that! You could hurt yourself really bad, or-"

Lucas realized Ness was jumping off the Kitchen counter onto the Kitchen knives below.

"Ness!! There's KITCHEN KNIVES BELOW WHERE YOU'RE GONNA-" screamed Lucas.

Ness got impaled on the knives.

"April Fools!" chuckled Ness heartily.

"HOW IS IT APRIL FOOLS IF YOU JUST GOT IMPALED ON A BUNCH OF KNIVES?!" screamed Lucas.

"Can you feel the sunshine?" sang Ness, going into sporadic seizures and dying.

"What do I do now?" asked Lucas, confused. "And...Ness...Ness is...They bleed! They bleed blood! I never knew!"

"We could hide the evidence!" said Pikachu, coming out of nowhere.

"Where did you come from?" asked Lucas.

"YOU MAY KNOW EVERYTHING I'M GOING TO DO BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU AS I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO DO! STRANGE, ISN'T IT?" asked Pikachu, smiling.

"Are...you okay, Pikachu?" asked Lucas, scratching his head, "Because you seem very-bacon, bacon, and more bacon-schizophrenic today!"

"Just...hide the evidence, okay?" asked Pikachu angrily.

Pikachu went to go get a shovel while Lucas carried a dead Ness to the backyard.

"I'm back!" said Pikachu, with the shovel in his mouth.

He ran into a well.

"Wells can be used to retrieve water," said Pikachu, dizzy.

"Hey guys! What are you doing?" asked Link, coming from nowhere in particular.

"Hi Link, wanna help bury Ness' body?" asked Lucas cheerfully.

"Sure," said Link, walking forward and picking up a shovel.

"I'll help too!" said Meta-Knight, brandishing a knife.

He ran up and used his knife on Link, stabbing Link's jugular vein.

"We meant help us with hiding the body!" yelled Lucas angrily as Pikachu came to.

"Ah," said Meta-Knight, wiping his blade on Link's tunic. "On the positive side, we now have more work to do?"

Lucas and Pikachu glared at him angrily.

As Lucas, Pikachu and Meta-Knight were digging a hole to bury Ness and Link's bodies, Jigglypuff and Pichu walked up.

"Hi guys watcha doing?" asked Pichu.

Pichu noticed the bodies.

"Why are Ness and Link sleeping, with Strawberry jam all over them?!" asked Pichu.

"We were having a uh...a picnic..." said Lucas nervously.

"Yeah, a picnic! Then Ness and Link fell asleep while eating sandwiches!" said Pikachu, making up a story.

Jigglypuff smiled cheerfully and pretended not to notice.

Then, she said something in Japanese, and then exploded.

"At least we don't have any remains to bury for Jigglypuff!" said Meta-Knight loudly.

"Yeah," agreed Lucas and Pikachu.

"I'm okay!" yelled Ness, suddenly jumping up and flexing his arms.

"We thought...we thought you died!" said Lucas.

"Now you are!" screamed Meta-Knight, hitting Ness with the shovel. "DIE ZOMBIE!1"

"I'll take it from here, thanks," said Pichu, taking the shovel from the swordsman. "DIE ZOMBIE!1"

He hit Ness with the shovel.

Ness died.

"You idiot!" said Pikachu angrily, "Now we have to bury him!"

"Well, on the positive side, we know for a fact he's....dead?" said Meta-Knight sheepishly.

"You have issues, man!" said Lucas angrily.

"I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES." said Meta-Knight angrily.

Lucario and Victor Fox walked up.

"Oh look, guys, Victor Fox decided to show up OLOL" said Lucario incoherently.

"I just came by to see how old Lucario is turning," smirked Victor.

"I'm turning 166 today!" cheered Lucario.

"Figures, are you getting fat also like Garfield?" asked Victor casually.

"I wanna Gold Star, Victor!" said Lucas, sobbing.

"Oh, sorry, but I left all of my gold stars at home." said Victor.

"If I gave out stars on how old everyone was, Lucario would win because he'd have the most!" said Victor coyly.

Lucario punted him into the next county.

"LUCARIO IS OLD!!1" said Victor before he flew into the next county.

"So, can I join the picnic?" asked Pichu hopefully.

Pikachu, Lucas and Meta-Knight stared at one another.

"Um...sure..." said Pikachu nervously. "Why don't you...go get a picnic mat for us?"

"Okay!" said Pichu, running to get a tarp to put on the ground.

"Can I be in on the picnic too?" asked Lucario.

"Sure, oldie!" said Meta-Knight.

Lucario backhanded Meta-Knight, but because he had a spike just below his knuckles, he slashed Meta-Knight with it.

"OH GOD" screamed Meta-Knight, bleeding.

"Sure you can, Lucario!" said Lucas, laughing nervously, "You can get the...uh....the food!"

"Okay," said Lucario, walking inside.

"We gotta do something fast!" said Pikachu to Lucas, "Pichu and Lucario can't find out we killed Ness and Link!"

"Agreed!" said Lucas.

Meta-Knight ran around, screaming as he bled.

They started digging twice as fast as they had been.

They were just about to stick the bodies in the hole when Pichu and Kirby ran outside with the tarp.

"I heard you guys were having a picnic," said Kirby, running up to them, carrying the bundled up tarp, "And without me? You sly dogs!"

"Can we sleep with Link and Ness?" asked Pichu.

"Pichu, you're the most ignorant person I've ever met." said Pikachu angrily.

"Is being ignorant a good thing?" asked Pichu.

"Sure," said Pikachu, "When we're HIDING A CORPSE!"

He bashed Pichu on the head with the shovel.

"Now look!" said Lucas angrily, "Another freaking corpse to bury!"

"No, I'm okay," said Pichu weakly, on the ground, bleeding.

"DIE YOU IDIOT" said Pikachu, bashing his smaller counterpart with the shovel angrily.

Pichu didn't die.

"Oops?" laughed Pikachu, nervously.

"I'm telling!" sobbed Pichu, limping off to go tell.

"Is there something wrong here?" asked Kirby, weirded out.

"Um, no!" said Pikachu and Lucas at the same time.

Meta-Knight fainted from blood loss.

"Why don't you..." suggested Lucas before seeing Lucario walk out with hordes of food. "Why don't you eat all of the food Lucario is bringing out and eat it?"

"Okay!" said Kirby happily, inhaling the entire food in Lucario's hands.

"Wow, after all the hard work of carrying it over here!" said Lucario angrily.

He went back inside, as Kirby followed him.

"Go get more food, Lucario!" yelled Lucas. "Now let's bury the bodies!"

They threw Ness' in.

He regained consciousness.

"Oohh, where am I?" asked Ness, dazed.

Link's dead corpse hit him, which knocked him out again.

"There," said Lucas, "All we have to do now is bury them, and we'll be saf-"

A taxi drove into the Smash Mansion's drive way, and Victor stepped out.

"I'm back!" said Victor, smiling. "Miss me?"

"Quiet you fool, we're concealing a murder here!" said Lucas angrily.

"Oops?" said Victor. "Can I help?"

"Sure, distract Lucario when he comes back out, same with Pichu and Kirby!" said Pikachu. "Then we can have a picnic with them!"

Pichu ran back outside, covered in stitches and band aids. Master Hand followed, obviously tired.

"See? See, Master Hand? See?" asked Pichu triumphantly, "They still have the shovel they hit me with!"

"Fine, I'll go along," sighed Master Hand, "Which one hit you with the shovel?"

"Pikachu did it!" smirked Pichu.

"Pikachu..." said Master Hand angrily. "When you hit Pichu with a shovel..."

Pikachu winced.

"....you're supposed to kill him with it!" finished Master Hand.

"WHAT?!" asked Pichu, horrified.

"Just kidding," said Master Hand. "Pikachu, you're gonna sit in time out for twenty minutes!"

"What for, Master Hand?" asked Pikachu innocently.

"For not finishing off Pichu properly!" said Master Hand.

"Yeah, for not finishing me off prope-HEY!" said Pichu, angrily.

"I hate you all!" said Pichu angrily, running back inside the mansion.

Pikachu followed Master Hand inside the mansion.

Lucario came outside with more food, Kirby inhaling some of it.

"Darn it Kirby, quit inhaling all the food!" said Lucario angrily.

"Fine," said Kirby angrily.

Lucas sighed angrily.

"Lucario! Victor uh...said he wanted to make old jokes about you!" said Lucas nervously.

"What?" asked Victor.

"Why I ought to..." said Lucario angrily.

"Go along with it, start insulting him and Kirby, so I can bury the evidence!" whispered Lucas.

"Lucario, you're old...and you smell." said Victor. "And Kirby is a soccer ball!"

Victor ran out of Smash Mansion gates, followed by Lucario and Kirby.

"Now, to finish the jobs and bury the evidence!" cackled Lucas evilly.

Ness regained consciousness, and tried to climb up out of the 10-foot deep hole that Lucas and Pikachu had dug.

Meta-Knight also regained consciousness.

"Help me with burying the bodies, Meta-Knight!" said Lucas nervously, "All we have to do is put the dirt back in the hole, and then we're done!"

"Okay," said Meta-Knight, picking up the shovel that Pikachu had hit Pichu with.

Ness was almost out of the hole when Lucas, who had his back to the hole, was flinging dirt wildly back into the hole.

"OW!" said Ness angrily, rubbing the dirt out of his eyes.

Lucas and Meta-Knight continued to wildly toss dirt inside the hole, unaware that Ness was still alive.

"Stop that!" said Ness loudly.

"Did you say something?" asked Lucas, confused.

"No?" said Meta-Knight, confused by the question.

"Alright then," said Lucas, continuing to throw dirt wildly into the hole.

When half of the dirt was back into the hole, Pichu had come back outside, with a camera.

"I have photographic proof that you killed Ness, Link and Jigglypuff!" said Pichu, holding up the camera triumphantly, "The entire time I was going to blackmail you, and I still will! Pay me a hundred thousand dollars in cold hard cash by midnight tonight or I will give it to Master Hand! He will kick you two and Pikachu out of the smash Brothers, and make _me_ the leader of the Smash Brothers! There is nothing that can stop me, NOTHI-"

Kirby, who was running by, inhaled Pichu.

Victor ran around in circles around Lucas and Meta-Knight, desperately trying to escape Lucario's wrath.

"Kirby, help me chase this jerk!" said Lucario also going around and around.

"I'm tired," said Kirby, sitting down.

Lucario tripped on Kirby and fell into the hole.

...

...

Lucas, Victor and Meta-Knight buried him alive with Ness and Link.

"We're done!" said Lucas, Victor and Meta-Knight.

Pikachu ran back out.

"I'm out of time-out!" said Pikachu, smiling. "Let's bury those bodies!"

"We already did!" said Lucas.

"Really?" asked Pikachu.

"Yes." said Lucas angrily.

Ness jumped out of the ground and did a few front flips before landing on the ground and flexing his muscle.

"I'm alive!" said Ness.

"How?" asked Lucas.

Ness put on his 'Nerdy explanation glasses' and said, "Well, I have this button, see, and it keeps me alive, so-"

Lucas took the button.

Ness died.

Applause.

**LIST OF USED QUOTES (WITH THE QUOTER'S NAME (Out of 30 total Quotes to use)):  
------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**1. (Line 5) ""**Can you feel the sunshine?" sang Ness, going into sporadic seizures and dying.**" -Ness  
2. (Line 12) "**They bleed! They bleed blood!**" -Lucas  
3. (Line 16) "**YOU MAY KNOW EVERYTHING I'M GOING TO DO BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU AS I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO DO! STRANGE, ISN'T IT?**" -Pikachu  
4. (Line 17) "** bacon, bacon, and more bacon**" -Lucas  
5. (Line 25) "** Wells can be used to retrieve water,**" -Pikachu  
6. (Line 18) "...** stabbing Link's jugular vein.**"-Narration  
7. (Line 21) "** Jigglypuff smiled cheerfully and pretended not to notice." **-Narration  
8. (Line 13) "** Then, she said something in Japanese, and then exploded." **-Narration  
9. (Line 19) "**I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES.**" -Meta-Knight**  
**10. (Line 20) "**Oh, sorry, but I left all of my gold stars at home.**" -Victor  
11. (Line 3) "**LUCARIO IS OLD!!1**" -Victor  
12. (Line 22) "** Pichu, you're the most ignorant person I've ever met.**" -Pikachu**

_**The Quotes were from Smash Mansion Writing Competition #2.**_

Review, and tell me if you liked the nonsensical nonsense that this was!

I will do more for future Smash Mansion Writing Competitions.


	2. Team Snake vs Team Not-Snake!

**Chapter Two: Team Snake vs. Team Not-Snake**

**Disclaimer**: The Smash Mansion fanfic competition was cancelled due to lack of activity, but for the hell of it I decided to write another one-shot and give you all something to read apart from Yoshi zilla's 586908607 hentai fics.

It's great to be back, I know all of you missed me dearly.

* * *

One day, some of the smashers decided to play Basketball.

"We should play Basketball!" suggested Pikachu.

"I could think of a million better things to do," scoffed Jigglypuff.

"Like what?" asked Pikachu angrily, "Your ideas are always really lame! Name one thing we could do besides mine!"

"We could play... _Basketball_," said Jigglypuff suggestively.

"That's what I said!" replied Pikachu angrily.

"Actually, I like Jigglypuff's idea better..." mused Diddy Kong. "Let's play Basketball."

"There was literally no difference between what I said and what she said," said Pikachu angrily.

"What you said and what she said sounded nothing alike," pointed out Snake.

"What she said! What she said!" repeated Sonic, foaming at the mouth.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?!" asked Pikachu angrily, waving his arms frantically.

"Who will the team captains be?" asked Ness curiously, having heard the entire conversation but not even bothering to say anything of interest until now, and for the viewer's sake of knowing his existence.

"I nominate Snake and Ness," nominated Toon Link, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Aww you're always nominating this or that! How about we let Jigglypuff decide? She never bothers anybody!" suggested Kirby.

"Hmm... I say Snake and Ness!" suggested Jigglypuff.

Pikachu rolled his eyes.

Snake walked to one side of the court(?) and Ness to the other.

"Who gets first pick?" asked Ness.

"I nominate we flip a coin," nominated Toon Link.

"I agree we should flip a coin and see." confirmed Yoshi, giving Jigglypuff the coin.

Jigglypuff quickly threw it in the air.

"We didn't even pick yet!" said Ness somewhat surprised.

The coin landed in a nearby sewer grating.

"Here, and this time wait until they call what side of the coin they wa-" began Yoshi.

Jigglypuff threw it in the air.

"Will you just listen?" asked Yoshi desperately.

It landed on the ground.

"What did it land on?" asked Snake, as Pikachu observed the coin.

Pikachu bent over to observe the coin. "Hea-"

"I choose heads!" said Snake quickly. "Looks like I win the draw!"

He cackled evilly.

"I choose Yoshi to be on my team!" added Snake, as the dinosaur walked over to his side of the court.

"I think I choose Diddy Kong." said Ness, the ape walking towards him.

"We pick..." Snake began, Yoshi whispering something in his ear, "...Sonic!"

"Of course you would! Sonic's the best!" boasted Sonic, flashing his blue spikes proudly as he casually walked over.

"We take Toon Link," decided Ness, Toon Link walking.

"And we take..." began Snake, looking at the last three options, Kirby, Jigglypuff and Pikachu."...Kirby!"

"And we get both Jigglypuff and Pikachu," finished Ness.

"Why do you guys get five?" asked Kirby angrily.

"Why was I last pick?" asked Pikachu angrily.

"We get five because you guys have four really good players," explained Ness.

"Why the Drake and Josh theme song was I last pick?!" repeated Pikachu furiously.

"Oh, yeah? Like who?" questioned Yoshi.

"Well, Snake is like really strong and tall and stuff, Sonic is really athletic too..." said Ness.

"Why was I last picked?" yelled Pikachu.

"And Yoshi's really fast, and well, Kirby has his floating powers or whatever... so yeah," shrugged Ness.

"Why was I la- oh, forget it," sighed Pikachu.

"Alright, fair enough. Now how do we decide who gets ball first?" asked Kirby.

"I nominate we get the ball," nominated Toon Link, half-asleep.

"We get it first because you guys got first pick," explained Diddy Kong, taking the ball.

"What's the score we're trying to reach?" asked Yoshi.

"Damn it are we going to keep on asking stupid unintelligible questions or are we going to play some effing basketball?" yelled Snake angrily.

Jigglypuff came back with the basketball and was just about to throw it in the air to start the game, when Snake snatched the ball.

"Now let's start the game!" said Snake, not having realized that was what Jigglypuff had intended in the first place. Snake tends to be insensitive like that.

Just before Snake could throw the ball back in the air, Yoshi used his tongue-lash ability and took the ball.

"We need to decide what score we're going to reach!" demanded Yoshi.

"I nominate that the score we reach is first team to 15," nominated Toon Link, immediately falling asleep and dropping to the ground.

Everyone in the room began to panic, not because they were worried about Toon Link's personal safety, but because all of them as a group had conspiratorised to spike Toon Link's drink with Nyquil and was afraid that if he overdosed, they would all be charged with murder.

Nevertheless, the other smashers breathed a sigh of relief at finding he was still alive and continued their conversation.

"The score needs to be like real baseball-" began Yoshi.

"-Basketball," interrupted Jigglypuff, who was still mad about earlier when Snake one-upped her and was taking every opportunity to make him look bad. So far her plan was failing, as Snake made very few grammatical errors.

"…Basketball, so whatever the score is for the major leagues or whatever, that's what it should be!" concluded Yoshi.

"Does anybody even know what that would be?" asked Ness. "No, wait, I'll just search for it on my brand new _Galaxy MS3 Phone__TM_!"

"Why did you just emphasize the brand name of your phone?" questioned Pikachu.

"I get paid every time I mention their brand name in casual conversation," explained Ness as he was handed a stack of dollar bills. "It's the latest form of product placement. …Ah, the sweet smell of money."

"So wait, if it's in a formal conversation you don't get paid?" asked Pikachu.

Jigglypuff continued to wait patiently for Snake to join in the conversation.

"Well, technically yes, but one usually cannot tell the difference between the casual conversation and the formal conversati-"

"Who cares, let's just play basketball already! We hardly get any brakes from brawl tourneys anyways!" reminded Snake.

"It's '_breaks_', not 'brakes'," pointed out Jigglypuff foaming at the mouth, cackling evilly at the fact that she had successfully one-upped Snake back.

She began to dance around the gym in delight.

For purposes unknown, a 100-ton weight fell through the roof of the gym and crushed Diddy Kong, killing him instantly.

"Looks like he wasn't talking enough to be an integral-enough part of the storyline," lamented Ness. "This is why I always chime in. …_Always_."

Everyone nodded solemnly, assent.

…

"Well? Shall we play ball?" said Kirby, the one who was holding the ball.

Snake took the basketball from him and was readying to lobby it into the air and finally starting the basketball game, when Kirby retaliated by swallowing the basketball which turned him into Basketball Kirby.

Unfortunately for Kirby, being a basketball didn't involve any powers. Or existing, in general.

"Um, exactly how many people are still alive?" queried Yoshi.

"Well, there are you, me, Snake, Jigglypuff, and Pikachu." replied Ness. "Oh, and my brand new _Galaxy MS3 Phone__TM_!"

"Well what about Soni- oh son of a bitch," cursed Yoshi as Sonic died from a heroin overdose. "Now it's 2-vs.-3…"

"If you counted Toon Link, it's 2-vs.-4…" corrected Ness.

The remaining players took their positions on the court, and Ness held the ball in hand.

He took a deep breath, and gave his two remaining team mates, Jigglypuff and Pikachu the signal.

Ness jumped back and began dribbling the ball, and dodged Yoshi's tackle and made headway for the opposing team goal.

Unfortunately, just as he threw the ball, he tripped over Toon Link's sleeping form and the ball flew wildly in the air.

Everyone looked onward as the ball hurtled down towards the ground, and...

...

…

...landed in the conveniently-placed indoor manhole.

"God _damn_ it," sighed Pikachu irritably, walking off the court.

"Uh…heh heh… Anybody up for some Scrabble?" asked Ness, laughing nervously.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I wrote this a while back, when I was still working on TESAR2. I rediscovered this chapter and a few others. Now I know how Chris Columbus feels. Anyways, I might release the other chapters sometime soon. We'll see.

Nevertheless, feel free to drop a read and leave off a review! …Or you can just review. You already read the story. No point in reading it twice.


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